How am I living with cancer?
Since my diagnosis so many of you have asked how do I get through my days, how do I cope, am I really living a life with those genuine ‘small joys’ (which of course we all know are actually the ‘BIG joys’). How do I grasp onto them when the shadow looms over me, and the dark valley is all around me, with terror lurking around every corner, waiting to suck me down? How am I honestly putting one foot in front of the other and finding joy? And the answer is:
With many, many strategies and a new outlook, a mindset rewire and a lot of hard work; there is no secret recipe for dealing with cancer (still not getting a capital C)
I’ve had to rethink my purpose in life or ‘Ikigai’ (what a word!) as we now call it in our house
I have a new very real philosophy to live in the present
My faith has been at the heart of my strength
The simple/not simple answer is that it is a CHOICE I’ve made. And it’s really HARD at times. I’m not super-human, in fact I’m really ordinary but I have learnt that the choice on HOW I react to this new life rubbish curve ball is MINE. My life is not over. I can’t change my diagnosis, but I absolutely can change the way I deal with it and that involves controlling what I can control, tweaking my perspective on what a joyful life means, and finding purpose again. And I need lots of support from friends and family in order to do this. I do not do it on my own. Sounds like I’ve had some serious counselling doesn’t it …. yup….well…that’s helped too. But actually even before that I made an active and very conscious decision to LIVE with cancer and to live as well as I could.
Firstly, I hope many of you never have to face your own mortality prematurely or your loved one’s mortality prematurely. And if you haven’t I hope you still find this helpful as many of the strategies I use are ones that we all know we should be employing even when we are well and healthy; so it may galvanise and inspire you to follow some of my processes!
For those of you who are in similar situations to me then I hope this resonates and I hope it helps and that it gives you a little more strength and confidence on those dark days. And please give me any extra tips you may have! I’m just working it out as I go along still.
My tips and strategies may seem ‘small’, as they focus on how I’m living my everyday life and in the really early days that was honestly as basic as ‘how do I summon the energy to get in the shower’, or ‘I actually can’t get the washing from the basket to the machine’. There are no enormous life changing strategies or tactics employed; I have not committed to a marathon, I am not jumping out of planes, I have not decided to do an MA (all of which I may do of course) - but at the moment my life wins are ‘small’, they are the baby steps that keep me putting one foot in front of the other.
And I do it for my girls, my beautiful, wonderful, spectacular girls, and my husband who is the rock in my life. Because ALL I want to do for the rest of my life is be with them and enjoy my time with them – alongside my truly incredible, beautiful, loyal friends who continue to walk this path with me.
And lastly, I hope this blog does not come across as a glib, happy-clappy response to a dire situation because the reality is that those shadows and valleys are ALWAYS looming and sometimes I succumb to them but my CHOICE is to extricate myself from the spiral – sometimes that takes longer than I want and at other times it’s a swift response.
And finally, finally, this is all coming from my heart, it’s being lived out in real time in a very real way and it’s working for me and I hope it comes across therefore in the right vein.
So how am I ‘doing’ this life now?
This is how……..I’m going to list them all as they float into my head and then go into more detail on my Instagram @fortheloveofsmalljoys, so bear with me because if I read this list I’d sigh and tune out as it’s not rocket science ….please give me time to explain in reality how I do this in the face of what I’m facing……
What I do:
Acknowledging I can change my thoughts, and perspective and attitude (mindset rewire, making active choices)
Choosing to live in the present
Seeking and enjoying the simple things in life
Making new routines
Praying, strengthening and holding onto my faith
Seeking sunlight, the outdoors, nature
Connecting and sharing honestly with others
Writing a list of what I love doing
Booking and planning holidays and breaks
Obligatory napping, sleeping, siestas
Reading
Practising stillness
Breathing (with purpose obviously 🤪)
Treating myself and self care
Practising solitude
Exercising and Stretching
Making good nutritional choices and ensuring hydration
Laughing and Crying with abandon
Interpreting situations and others more kindly
Making time for creativity
Writing
Noticing and acknowledging anxiety
Putting myself in uncomfortable situations
Practising daily gratitude
Creating a cosy corner at home
Simplify possessions
Practising self belief (this sounds ludicrous, more to come)
Small acts of kindness, thinking about what I give out within the home, to friends, to the community
Seeking professional counselling
Getting a dog (crucial and a total personal bias)
