How do I ‘holiday’ with cancer? Discuss….

Here’s another question for us to chew on; a juxtapose from my ‘happy little home hermit’ post a couple of weeks ago nicely illustrating my wildly oscillating happy/ sad brain ….welcome to the world of cancer 🤯

I’ve just celebrated my 51st Birthday and I’ve had cancer now for 2 years and 2 months; where the hurdles and despair have been so tough, so dark at times ….but the highlight reels of family life have also brought me such joy. Each celebration more poignant, more special than ever before. The every day beautiful ordinariness of life is the source of my joy. Honestly. Sounds a bit too much like toxic positivity? It’s not. It’s a balance always with the dark days.

Since my diagnosis so many of you have asked how do I get through my days, how do I cope, am I really living a life with those genuine ‘small joys’ (which of course we all know are actually the ‘BIG joys’). How do I grasp onto them when the shadow looms over me, and the dark valley is all around me, with terror lurking around every corner, waiting to suck me down?

In June 2023 my routine 3 monthly scan showed the cancer was back and the tumour was growing aggressively again. The world fully stopped again. A new treatment plan proposed and another targeted dual drug administered. My mind not computing that at all. The realisation that this drug HAD to work.

On January 14th at 4am in 2022 Michael and I rushed into East Surrey hospital after the nagging pain in my back/ side had got significantly worse overnight and I knew something was really really wrong with me. We left quietly, the children and dogs still sleeping.

I’m Helen and this is my story

Of how I had a wonderful, full, happy life pre my diagnosis

A life with ups and downs yes

But one full of love and joy